Conversations with Myself

339 words. Less than 4 minute reading time.

Written for Start With Our Sentences.

Click the link above to find out more.

Prompt

Conversations with Myself

In the mirror, I see myself, staring at my reflection. My cheeks are pale, and my eyes dull with tears in disbelief, and my lips parted – red, moist – and I whisper so only the me staring back, could hear.

“I’m so afraid,” I hear myself say.

My arms press against my breasts, my hands clutch together beneath my chin, and my fingers curl – ache with a wish.

I watched as my knees bent together, and I swooned in the mirror.

“Please, please,” I beg.

I manage to let my hands go. They part with a jerk. One goes tense to my side, where he hit me, then it goes to my lips, where he violated me. My other hand goes to my reflection.

The mirror is cold, but the tears I can’t wipe away are colder.

Why?

I cry harder. I hit the mirror, nurse my broken nail, then hit it again.

Why?

Then my eyes go wide, and my reflection speaks to me. My lips part, and I hear myself speak, “Because of you.”

My heart pumps fast, and the mirror goes from cold to red. I watch myself become angry – hateful – I pull away from the mirror before I come at it again. Hands curling into fists, lips into a snarl and tears into fire.

I watch now as the hand on my lips pull away in disgust, it forces its way into my mouth, and my eyes bulge out.

Wet.

Disgusting.

I hate myself.

My throat constricts, my mouth fights against the intrusion.

It forces me to gag, and I watch on.

My other hand makes its way back. The mirror burns and I can hear myself drowning in the back. It makes its way to the throat.

Fingers tighten, and nail digs into flesh.

There’s a blossom of pain. I see lines of red, but I don’t stop.

Tighter.

Tighter.

I don’t stop, not when air grows tight. Not when my lungs give out.

I have to hold on longer.

I collapse.

***

For anyone who’s familiar with my writing, I have a fascination with mirrors. Any form of mirror really. Mirrors are a reflection of self and in fiction, much like the magic mirror. Mirror’s don’t have to  reflect themself. They can reflect anything about their character.

As always, I’m eager to hear what you think. This is a piece a bit darker than usual. If anyone does experience self-reflection upon a similar trend. I do encourage you to seek help.

You can find a link to Beyond Blue here.

***

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13 thoughts on “Conversations with Myself

  1. Nice take on the deeper mechanism which might function in a person’s mind. Although on the darker side but the whole outcome turns out to be positive in the end, with your advice. The way you have explored it and then put forth a subtle advice is almost like identifying a problem completely and then wringing it out of existence completely.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I absolutely LOVE this! I have always been intrigued by exploring and writing from a viewpoint of the darker side of our psyche. Our minds are a delicate thing and, in writing, we can expose what our minds are capable of. Not many may want to talk about it, or see it as too dark, but it is a real thing whether fictional or not.

    Liked by 1 person

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